Home for the Holidays

Hi All,

I am sorry if I have not been good about writing in the blog but our life has been upside down for the past couple of weeks. 

Our last few days  in Melitopal were wild. We went and met with Albinas  sister and after alot of crying she agreed to allow us to adopt her sister and refuse to be adopted herself. We bought he a cell phone so we could skype with her and although it required 2 full days of travel and expense we were successful. ( I will detail the process in my book:)

Nadia,Vitaly and Albina (Julia)

More paperwork, lots of trips to the orphanage and finally we boarded the train for kiev and our flight home. The girls traveled separately with Vitaly the following day. I waited in NY and spent the night with friends to take the girls to Cleveland. Wow - 42 hr trip for the girls as we were delayed for many hours due to the snow storm. We arrived home at 5am on the 22nd.

Grace, Nadia, and Julia

We have been careful not to give the girls too much, and they have been adjusting to the american (we have everything) lifestyle.

Christmas as a joy for us just watching the girls interact with Grace ( she is very happy to have sisters!). We gave Albina a bike. It is all she wanted since we met her in September. She has been riding back and forth in the driveway ever since.

We also bought the Rosetta stone English program and every morning they each spend 1/2 hr learning english... i highly recommend this.

At this point we plan to take the girls back to Ukraine Jan 7th and finish the adoption which will take at least another 3 weeks. We received an email this morning from our facilitaor which I will share with you later but the jist was that another couple got thier daughter to Kiev and she said she did not want to be adopted because she heard that children were being taken and killed in America....It's Ukraine... more to Come

MR

  

Ukraine Adoption Melitopal December 15th, 2008

Hi Everybody,

Its been a  few days since I have updated the blog and I am sure you check it everyday to see whats going on :) Ha Ha... We are in Melitopal now and at our little hotel as before. I have been taking copious notes on my little Iphone recorder for the book I hope to write and the funny thing is that when its smooth sailing ( for Tom and India) there is not alot to write about. 

We met the girls at the orphangae and they ran up and hugged us and would not let go. We then started the task of getting the state paper work done, which included meeting with Nadya's 16 yr old brother and her grandmother, who both told the Director that they refused to let Nadya be adopted. In Ukraine there are many laws governing siblings, permissions , etc. Depending on who you pay and at what time the outcome can be very different. 

On Saturday we headed out to meet Nadya's grandmother and her brother who now lives with her.  We had no address and only knew the village name. The village was very big , maybe 10,000 residents, but Vitaly and Sasha, stopped frequently and asked people once even disappearing into an old broken down apartment building that smelled so bad we refused to go in. Eventually we found the aunt, who took us to the grandmothers home, a one room house built into a barn  with a wash basin and 2 beds.  Nadya, by the way, said she didn't know the aunt, but she did lead us directly to the grandmother.

She was not happy to see us but hugged Nadya closely. Her brother did not look mentally handicapped (supposedly, he had been in an orphanage for mentally handicapped children) and was a good looking young man (Nikolia) , probably 6'3" and reminded us of a tall Brad Pitt. He was frowning as well. Nikolia took Nadya outside to the bathroom and we (Vitaly) talked to the grandmother who was about 70 and Paula and I sat helpless in the conversation not understanding a word. Only seeing the grandmother cry did we understand that she was a caring person and not out for money which they obviously needed.

After about 15 minutes of continuous talking Vitaly turned to us and said " She thinks it is a good thing you do for Nadya" We were very releived... Nikolia came back into the room with Nadya and she sat in his lap laughing, and then  we asked him if it would be OK to give his sister a good home. He said " Nadya, if this is what you really want I will not stand in your way" You could tell that they were very close, and Nadya just smiled. 

For the next hour we talked with the grandmother and she told us the sad story of how Nadya ended up in the orphange, shared old pictures of her and her family with us , and went through all of her belongings (which were very few) and gave clothes and costume jewelry  to Nadya. We spoke about how we would make sure they never lost touch with Nadya and left feeling as though we had done what was right , and they also - for Nadya.  Everybody was sad, but smiling.

Today - we go to Zaparyshia to meet the local inspector and Albina's sister who is in college to get a consent from her. It is about a 2 hour drive and could be a tough day politically because of the sibling laws and our lack of knowledge of the local authorities.

Stay tuned

Michael and Paula 

A little more good news from Ukraine - December 9th,2008

Paula and arrived in Kiev the day before yesterday to a snow storm. It was quite beautiful and reminded us of Cleveland:) Stayed in an apartment very close to Independence Square right down the street from McDonalds ( great expresso!)

Yesterday we met with the SDA and we feel that step 2 of 10 was successful. We met Dima who Paula said was the best looking guy she has seen in Ukraine ( except for me - she did not say that part). The women in the SDA office shuffled us right into our meeting, pulled out the pictures of Albina and Nadya, and asked us why were there, and why these 2 girls. For those of you who know, it is against the law to meet any children without hosting them so this was awkward but not unexpected. 

I said " we have friends that have adopted from this orphanage and told us about them" She then says "have you met the girls"  - This was a loaded question because if I answered "no" she might know about our previous attempts to adopt the girls. Anyway you get the picture. So I said " We met them briefly at the orphanage". Dima smiled, she smiled... no more questions.

She looked at her computer and told us " they have siblings. a brother in a mentally handicapped orphanage and a sister in college. We will give you referrals for all 4!" 

Now the next step is to convince the siblings to write refusal letters so we can get the 2 girls.

On and On it goes until God decides if we are to have them or not. 

At any rate - yesterday was a good day... they gave us referrals for the girls, we met Dima, and I had some Nemof pepper vodka...

More to come  - Michael and Paula

Good news - at least a little from Ukraine

Paula and I leave in a couple of days to start the process again and yesterday we received news that the Director was able to finally get the passports for the girls to visit here over the holidays. We still have a long road before they can have a new home but this was a bright spot for us. Originally we were told that it could probably happen in 10 days  - that was 6 weeks ago....so it is a good day. 

For those of you who are interested I have started writing a book about this experience and a survival guide that will be done in the spring I hope:)MR

Ukraine Adoption Attempt #2

It has been a few weeks since my last entry but just wanted to let you know that we are headed back to Ukraine this coming Sunday to try again!... Yes , I know what you are thinking.We cannot get enough and  have too much money to spend but the reality is we really want to help these children and are not about to give up without a fight!  So stay tuned for the next couple of weeks as it should be another adventure.

New SDA meeting approval

Here we go again - We received a new SDA approval and meeting today! Let's see... that was year for the first one and 4 weeks for the second. Goes to show that working directly without ANY agency is the way to go. Our appointment is in 2.5 weeks...that means missing christmas with our daughter, and lots of other stuff, not to mention that we still have hurdles once we get there because one of the girls has a 16 yr old sibling that refuses to allow her to be adopted. 

I get a headache just thinking about this whole process. Please Please Pray for a good outcome. 

As always stay tuned

Michael

Sorry no pictures

HI All,

Lets see - it is mid November and Paula and I are still at it. At this point we are waiting to see if we can get the passports for Nadya and Albina to come to Cleveland for a holiday hosting. Our dossier has been resubmitted and we are expecting to hear in a couple of weeks if they will approve our petition for the 2 girls. So much detail that I wont bore you. ---IT'S UKRAINE--- as they (everybody) says.  The director has promised we will have the passports next week . He says they ran out of blank ones!!...

Thanks for tuning in,

 Michael

Its not Over

Well as they say - its not over till its over!

Paula and I found a great hosting organization Frontier Horizons who have been very helpful and we are trying to host Albina and Nadia for the Xmas holiday!  We also accomplished a feat the is  unheard of in the world of adoption. We completed a whole new dossier in 8 days, complete with a home-study update and USCIS, Fbi checks  - the whole set of docs. We are re-submitting to the SDA next week  with a petition for Albina and Nadia. 

We also have a new facilitator who is more in touch, honest and straight with us. His name is Dima, an experienced young man who seems to be on top of everything and understands the process.

Keep your prayers coming ! I'll let you know what happens...

Michael

Home and Thinking

Paula and I are slowly getting used to the fact that nothing good came from our efforts. For those of you who are thinking of adoption from Ukraine , or who are in the process I will be writing a detailed account of what happened to us, what we learned about corruption, and hopefully a helpful list of what to watch out for and possibly avoid our outcome, We know God is watching over the children. They will be ok, and so will we.

PS if there is anybody following this Blog that knows of a xmas hosting program please let us know. 

:)Michael

Its Over for now

Well we have not updated the blog because we were trying to make things happen with the government, and the SDA. It was not a good week. After everything went south with Julia we put in a petition for a 3rd referral based upon the fact that the first 2 were for children that did not want to be adopted. It seemed very reasonable to us, and the short story for now is that we met with the deputy director at the SDA and she turned us down flat! We were well prepared and thought it should be fine but in fact she just told us " You only get 2 referrals and it does not matter if the information we supplied was wrong, or for that matter anything else. You are done...go home"

Paula and I were devastated as we met 2 girls Albina and Nadia , that wanted so much to come home with us. We even had video of them telling the director. We had hit a dead end...lots of time , money, and heart went into this endeavor and it seemed so unfair. We are back in Cleveland as of yesterday with just our suitcases, and very sad hearts. We left Albina and Nadia in Melitopal without a family and waiting for us to take them home with us.

When I get back into the swing , and have had time to reflect I will be writing an in depth article about the adoption process in Ukraine. If you were successful adopting there our blessings go out to you. You were one of the lucky ones. We found out lots of useful information for those of you who are in the process, and those considering Ukraine. Please be on the lookout for my follow-up.

In short lets just say for now that the Ukraine adoption process is wrought with corruption, payola, and built as an official told me to "milk foreigners like yourself for the benefit of Ukrainians"

Our hearts are broken, and our children remain in Ukraine.

Michael

Oct 2nd and too much Cognac

Hi Folks, 

I wish I was a good writer...man, could I write a book about this place. Sure makes me proud to be an American!

We are still awaiting the SDA's decision on a 3rd referral but were encouraged to stay here and spend time at the orphanage, rather than return to Kiev.  We went out to the orphanage today and brought a ping pong table, some paddles, and balls.  This particular orphanage appears to be pretty poor and there doesn't seem to be a lot for the children to do, so we thought this would be a fun and easy way for us to interact with the kids without having to worry too much about the language.    The kids were really excited and kept thanking us for the gift.  We also ended up in the Director's office, drinking some of his special cognac.  He is quite a jovial guy. We aren't big drinkers, but it was his way of showing his gratitude for our gift and we couldn't figure out a way to turn him down without being offensive.  He'd also had his assistant go out and get all sorts of pretty pastries for us, which we don't eat either.  And there was of course instant coffee and candy.  A 15 year old girl from Israel who speaks 4 languages, including English, served as our translator for the afternoon.  It was quite and adventure.

Our cab driver, Sasha, has made maybe twenty dollars a day driving us back and forth to the orphanage in his 21 year old car.  Today, he showed up to take us to the orphanage and told us that he was finally able to install seat belts....$10 for 2 seat belts.  

Waiting....waiting....waiting

So, we are still in Melitopol and waiting to see if the SDA will grant a 3rd referral for us since the first 2 children really didn't want to be adopted.  This is not something that they normally do, but we are hopeful.  We should hear something back Friday or Monday of next week.  

In the meanwhile we are blessed with beautiful weather.  We went to the market this morning. The food is wonderful and cheap.  I couldn't help myself and bought all sorts of fruit and vegetables....if we only had a place in our little hotel where we could prepare it.  The raw sunflower oil here is fabulous.  I bought a bottle and bring it with me to the restaurants for my salads.  We had a great lunch at our favorite restaurant, Classic, for $11.  Included pea soup, mediteranean salad, omelet with greens, and potatoes....Food and clothing are both inexpensive here.

We have decided to stay here instead of going back to Kiev.  There are a couple of girls that we

really enjoyed and would love to take home with us.  The Orphanage Director said it would not

be a problem for us to spend time getting to know them better.  If we get our 3rd appt. with the SDA, we could ask for them.

Keep us in your prayers, Michael and Paula

PS Michelle, I don't know how to respond to your comments other than to write in the blog....our facilitator is Konstantin Yakubenko.

Turn for the worse :(

Hi Everybody,

What an emotional roller coaster! If you have been following our blog you no doubt read a few days ago that Julia was doing great. Well, we spent the weekend with her and in a nut shell she would not talk to us, or even try. Our translator spent an hour talking to her and got nowhere.

Paula and I realized that whatever the problem is, she will never make it in our family. If we cannot communicate and she won't try then she would be very unhappy, and our family would suffer as a result. 

Last night we made a very hard decision - to pull the petition to adopt Julia from the court. We do not know what this will mean other than we may very well be coming home after a month with just our suitcases, and no daughter. Our hope is that we might have a chance to adopt one of the may other girls at the orphanage that were very excited to be with us and REALLY wanted to join our family... I expect by the end of the day today we will have some clarity and hear from our facilitator regarding any options that we may have. 

Please pray for Julia :)

All the best,

Michael

"Julia Nora Redman"

Today we filed papers with the court and gave Julia her official American name...Julia Nora Redman!  We were given the option of changing her birthday by 6 mos., but declined since we thought it would just end up being confusing.

Julia seems to be doing great and we are really enjoying getting to know her.  We found out that some of the care givers were telling her not to go to America...that we were bad people...but we don't know any more of the details.  Some of the people that we are working with have been able to dispel that information for her, so she seems more relaxed and smiles more often.  We plan to spend the weekend with her, so we should have more to report next week.

For anybody interested in adopting in Ukraine and feeling unsure about adopting older children, we will say this.....There are so many fantastic older children here (10-16), do not be afraid....we are wishing we had signed up for more.

Signing off for now, Paula and Michael

Julia & more detail 9-24-08

Hi everybody,
Sorry we have not updated the blog in a few days but our life has been a bit upside down and full of wait...wait...wait :) But Finally, we have something to talk about!

On our second meeting at the SDA we received a referral in Melitopal... a small town (village) in southern Ukraine. We left our utopia in Kiev and ...

We arrived after a 15 hr train ride at 7am. A quick drive through town and a visit to the local diner was a little frightening. We saw no coffee shops and very few restaurants. Actually, there are very few apartments as well, so we landed in a small hotel (5 rooms). Turns out to be very nice and includes breakfast every morning (same egg and sautéed cabbage), a great supermarket close by and Internet at the local pizza shop about 15 minutes away.



Our referral is for an 11 year old girl named Julia that is in an orphanage in the middle of nowhere, Ukraine. We went to meet her and everything went well...came to find out later that she spent summer vacation with her mother. Paula and I spent a long time talking about this and decided that we could not take her from her mother under any condition....


Today we spent the day with Julia and her best girlfriend, eating playing , shopping, and strategically asking questions to get some answers to the relationship issue that was troubling us. It turns out that Julia was picked up by her uncle for summer break and spent a few days at her mothers...she said there were complications...it was unpleasant and she wished that she had gone on vacation with the other children in the orphanage. We got no other details. Julia then told the translator that she wanted to go home with us today...immediately. She is ready to leave it all behind. What a relief to know that she is not wanting to stay with family, but what is it that went on that she wants desperately to leave behind.She seems so sad and we are concerned there is much more to the story... We will find out more tomorrow.

She is a sweet and shy girl. We are hopeful to take her away from this misery and make her part of our family....More to come...

Oh - one last thing - Julia's best friend, Albena, is a beaming little girl who is full of energy. If we can figure out how to do it, we'd love to take her home with us too.

Thanks for reading...Michael

Julia Sept 22,2008

Hi Everybody  - Here is Julia!

11 yrs old, very sweet, quiet and small.

 I have been having trouble pasting from word into this blog, even using a txt file. 

Still trying and will update this later IF i can figure it out.

We are still in Melitopal and will be here for sometime... don't know how long. Its and adventure we will not want to repeat! Details to follow...

God Bless 

Michael

Ukraine Adoption Day 12??

Hi All,

Well today we are hoping to hear from the SDA that we can meet with them, and start all over again. Konstatin is at the SDA this morning...boy are we learning patience the hard way:) 

Last night we went to the ballet at the Opera house and saw " Zorba the Greek". Beautiful Music - the best I have ever heard in a concert hall, and the dancing was wonderful. They have a different show there 7 nights a week and its about $30... great deal. Walked home afterward as you do everywhere here. Reminds me of walking with Jeff McElnea in NY when I was working on Adjacket. Getting in shape while we are not doing anything else.

Got up early and went to Starbucks - Kiev Style. Very good coffee ! They make it from fresh beans and expresso... for about $1.30

Then walked back to our Kiev Home  - Nice!!

Redman Adoption Kiev Day 4-7 Donetsk/Kiev

Well we arrived in Donetsk and the adventure truly began. First of all we were told that it was too late for us to see Emma and that when we do get to see her we need to be accompanied by the local supervisor and a Ukrainian official ( former KGB agent ) that will question Emma. This was new news to Vitali, who is our guide and connection with the orphanage. He said this is a new rule for this region that he just found out about. We were disappointed, but tired from our trip, so seeing Emma the next day was fine with us.

The next morning we fulfill another new requirement by making a second copy of the entire dossier. So I am writing this as I sit waiting for the copies. This is a very interesting place & culture. When we leave here we have to wait for the call from the supervisor who will tell us when it is convenient for her to introduce us to Emma .

Our next challenge today is to find another apartment. The one we are in does not have internet or a bed! It is expensive for what it is. He have Vitali staying in another apartment so we have some privacy, but his place is awful. It looks like an abandoned apartment in the Viet Nam era. … Cockroaches, cigarette buts, and filth everywhere. We have to get him out of there.




Okay, so we meet with Emma at 4 pm at the orphanage. The orphanage is nice. It looks like a decent boarding school. The Director takes us to an empty classroom. We are a little nervous about how this is going to go. We brought a big box of cookies for Emma to share with her classmates. But there is nothing casual about this meeting and what do you say to an 11 year old about yourself or our family that might be appealing to her. There is no chance to get to know her. It’s quite awkward for us as well as her.

Emma walks in the school room with a look of utter disdain on her face. She is tall and beautiful, but very unhappy about what is going on. The assistant director is there as well as the inspector, Vitali, and Paula and I. We are all seated around her…(can’t imagine that she feels very relaxed about this) and she will not even look at us. Everyone that speaks Ukraine is talking to her and she will have nothing to do with whatever they are saying. She keeps looking at her hands and playing with her fingers which are covered with black ink. I try to make a few jokes, which only get a rise from Vitali and Paula.

Apparently, Emma is not interested in being adopted. She has a grandmother and younger sister nearby and she thinks that her parents will get it together to come and get her out of the orphanage. In the meanwhile, she is happy where she is. We are disappointed, but as the Assistant Director said “Life goes on.”






And, so back to the apartment to pack up, get a flight for the following day back to Kiev, and try to set up another appointment with the SDA (State Department of Adoption). Oh, well, it could have been worse….what if we spent 10 days with her and then she finally said something. Better that we know right up front.

But, wouldn’t it be nice if the orphanages all had skype and we could have done that interview without the expense and time involved with travel?

This is a picture you will NEVER see again - Paula in McDonalds!!!

Redman Adoption Kiev Day 3 - "The SDA"

We came into a small nice office typical of any, and were asked to take a seat on a couch. We were introduced to our SDA interviewer and shook hands ( oop’s we heard that women in Ukraine do not like to do that). Paula and I had spent considerable time working on answers to specific questions (“Why do you want to adopt in Ukraine, etc”), but when it “Would you Tell me a little bit about your family.” Funny thing was we never thought of that question! Paula made a simple response - there are 4 of us with son Tyler, and Daughter Grace…”

Next the psychologist put one photo on the table - Konstantin looked, and talked with the interviewer, turned to us and said “This is a girl of 10 years, healthy, etc” . She looked very unhappy. We then were presented with 3 other photos. It is a little intense and intimidating because the interviewer turned to us after the 3rd photo and said “ This is the perfect child for you”. What do you say to that?

We asked for one more girl that was closer to Graces age …She pulls out another photo “ She has slight mental problems.” I took this as a clear sign that we were done - PICK a girl now!. We took her word on the perfect girl for us and left the next day to see her! Her name is Emma and she is located in Donetsk. She is 11 yrs old, tall, slender, smart, kind, and musical according to her profile. Stay tuned for more and please feel welcome to ask questions.

This is a very exciting time …Michael

Redman Adoption - Kiev Day 2

Well today we took it easy and just walked, talked and  shopped. The weather has been really beautiful. Hopefully, it will hold for another couple of days.

Went to McDonalds instead of Starbucks (my hang at home...there is no Starbucks here) at about 7am, and they have terrific coffee and it's cheap! Made cup by cup  - sounds just like the way they make their food - huh?

 

Paula and I probably walked 10 miles today and took in the sights including the Opera house and The Gold Domed Monastery  in the picture just below, which was built in 1108. We actually witnessed an Orthodox service by the resident monks, and a wedding while we were there. As you can see the architecture is awesome and inspiring. The inside of it was even more so...the painting below was one of hundreds like it inside.  (Paula and I were thinking of adding some domes to the new patio deck we just finished building....what do you think? :-)

I guess the big news is that tomorrow we have an appointment with the SDA to meet the psychologists and look at a few photos of children. I heard the step by step process from our facilitator, Konstantin, and he says they will show us 3 to 5 pictures of young girls and Paula and I can talk about them, ask questions and then  - choose one. Thats it. Amazing such a life changing event and it all occurs in a couple of minutes.

Redman Adoption - Kiev Day 1

Ok - Folks today we meet with our facilitator (Konstantin for future reference) He is meeting us at our apartment. Nice place! Kind of reminds me of a low end Jetsons pad with a TV that we can't understand.

Our trip was long but fine... did not sleep last night...and according to my computer it is 2.30am in Chagrin Falls. I took a long walk this morning in the city center met a couple of kids who spoke english and they said that "Americans are good people but US and Ukrainian politicians are making it difficult to remember that we are brothers and sisters....God created all of us." He has a point doesn't he?

Today after we meet with Konstantin we are going to try to find a tour service and explore the city.. and find something to eat. This has been a challenge as most Ukranians eat meat,cookies and lots of coffee!  

Also, it is supposed to be very hot the next couple of days (90).  Unfortunately I packed fall clothes, so this should be interesting. Tonight of tomorrow we should have a better picture of the events that will be coming our way and the process we will undertake so stay tuned...Here are a few more picks for last night in Kiev. Including the entrance to our apartment.

Friday in Munick

Okay, we're on our way.  We are at a coffee shop on a 7 hour layover in Munich.  It's the first time in all of our travels that shopping abroad is not that much fun... the exchange is so poor for US dollars that even the coffee seems like a rip off....$9 for 2 cups.  We should arrive today at 4 pm in Kiev and hopefully a driver will take us to our apartment.  

So far the travel has been easy.  Lufthansa was great even though we were packed in like sardines.

Watched a couple of movies, took a nap, and we were in Munich.

Grace, we miss you already. Hope your first day with Nana June is going great and that you are

reading away.  More to come once we arrive in Kiev... Paula

1 more day and we hit the road - to Ukraine

Well it was good to hear from so many of you and receive your blessings! Paula and I are packing for a very interesting trip. When was the last time you took a trip to a country for 5 weeks and you needed to take toilet paper! Needless to say we are having a hard time fitting 5 weeks into 1 bag.

Our plan is to update this blog at least every 2 days ( depending on the internet connection we can find).

As a general overview of our travel we will be going first to Kiev, Ukraine for 4 days where we meet with the SDA and choose a little girl from a picture book. Next we will travel to the orphanage where she is located and spend 10 days getting to know her through a translator.

Then there will be a break. This is a big unknown at this point. Could be 5 days or 20. In the latter case we will probably try to get back home for a short stint.

After this break we should ( if everything goes as planned) start the passport, medical part of things. This should be about 5 days.... then home we come.

We will miss Grace terribly, but she needs to stay in school. Aunt June and Helene will be holding down the fort while we are gone.

Here we go..... Thursday
Cheers,
MR

Pre- Ukraine

This is the first installation of our trip to the Ukraine to adopt a second child. As you know Grace has been a true blessing to us, and it;s time for a sister! Stay tuned

Michael