Turn for the worse :(

Hi Everybody,

What an emotional roller coaster! If you have been following our blog you no doubt read a few days ago that Julia was doing great. Well, we spent the weekend with her and in a nut shell she would not talk to us, or even try. Our translator spent an hour talking to her and got nowhere.

Paula and I realized that whatever the problem is, she will never make it in our family. If we cannot communicate and she won't try then she would be very unhappy, and our family would suffer as a result. 

Last night we made a very hard decision - to pull the petition to adopt Julia from the court. We do not know what this will mean other than we may very well be coming home after a month with just our suitcases, and no daughter. Our hope is that we might have a chance to adopt one of the may other girls at the orphanage that were very excited to be with us and REALLY wanted to join our family... I expect by the end of the day today we will have some clarity and hear from our facilitator regarding any options that we may have. 

Please pray for Julia :)

All the best,

Michael

"Julia Nora Redman"

Today we filed papers with the court and gave Julia her official American name...Julia Nora Redman!  We were given the option of changing her birthday by 6 mos., but declined since we thought it would just end up being confusing.

Julia seems to be doing great and we are really enjoying getting to know her.  We found out that some of the care givers were telling her not to go to America...that we were bad people...but we don't know any more of the details.  Some of the people that we are working with have been able to dispel that information for her, so she seems more relaxed and smiles more often.  We plan to spend the weekend with her, so we should have more to report next week.

For anybody interested in adopting in Ukraine and feeling unsure about adopting older children, we will say this.....There are so many fantastic older children here (10-16), do not be afraid....we are wishing we had signed up for more.

Signing off for now, Paula and Michael

Julia & more detail 9-24-08

Hi everybody,
Sorry we have not updated the blog in a few days but our life has been a bit upside down and full of wait...wait...wait :) But Finally, we have something to talk about!

On our second meeting at the SDA we received a referral in Melitopal... a small town (village) in southern Ukraine. We left our utopia in Kiev and ...

We arrived after a 15 hr train ride at 7am. A quick drive through town and a visit to the local diner was a little frightening. We saw no coffee shops and very few restaurants. Actually, there are very few apartments as well, so we landed in a small hotel (5 rooms). Turns out to be very nice and includes breakfast every morning (same egg and sautéed cabbage), a great supermarket close by and Internet at the local pizza shop about 15 minutes away.



Our referral is for an 11 year old girl named Julia that is in an orphanage in the middle of nowhere, Ukraine. We went to meet her and everything went well...came to find out later that she spent summer vacation with her mother. Paula and I spent a long time talking about this and decided that we could not take her from her mother under any condition....


Today we spent the day with Julia and her best girlfriend, eating playing , shopping, and strategically asking questions to get some answers to the relationship issue that was troubling us. It turns out that Julia was picked up by her uncle for summer break and spent a few days at her mothers...she said there were complications...it was unpleasant and she wished that she had gone on vacation with the other children in the orphanage. We got no other details. Julia then told the translator that she wanted to go home with us today...immediately. She is ready to leave it all behind. What a relief to know that she is not wanting to stay with family, but what is it that went on that she wants desperately to leave behind.She seems so sad and we are concerned there is much more to the story... We will find out more tomorrow.

She is a sweet and shy girl. We are hopeful to take her away from this misery and make her part of our family....More to come...

Oh - one last thing - Julia's best friend, Albena, is a beaming little girl who is full of energy. If we can figure out how to do it, we'd love to take her home with us too.

Thanks for reading...Michael

Julia Sept 22,2008

Hi Everybody  - Here is Julia!

11 yrs old, very sweet, quiet and small.

 I have been having trouble pasting from word into this blog, even using a txt file. 

Still trying and will update this later IF i can figure it out.

We are still in Melitopal and will be here for sometime... don't know how long. Its and adventure we will not want to repeat! Details to follow...

God Bless 

Michael

Ukraine Adoption Day 12??

Hi All,

Well today we are hoping to hear from the SDA that we can meet with them, and start all over again. Konstatin is at the SDA this morning...boy are we learning patience the hard way:) 

Last night we went to the ballet at the Opera house and saw " Zorba the Greek". Beautiful Music - the best I have ever heard in a concert hall, and the dancing was wonderful. They have a different show there 7 nights a week and its about $30... great deal. Walked home afterward as you do everywhere here. Reminds me of walking with Jeff McElnea in NY when I was working on Adjacket. Getting in shape while we are not doing anything else.

Got up early and went to Starbucks - Kiev Style. Very good coffee ! They make it from fresh beans and expresso... for about $1.30

Then walked back to our Kiev Home  - Nice!!

Redman Adoption Kiev Day 4-7 Donetsk/Kiev

Well we arrived in Donetsk and the adventure truly began. First of all we were told that it was too late for us to see Emma and that when we do get to see her we need to be accompanied by the local supervisor and a Ukrainian official ( former KGB agent ) that will question Emma. This was new news to Vitali, who is our guide and connection with the orphanage. He said this is a new rule for this region that he just found out about. We were disappointed, but tired from our trip, so seeing Emma the next day was fine with us.

The next morning we fulfill another new requirement by making a second copy of the entire dossier. So I am writing this as I sit waiting for the copies. This is a very interesting place & culture. When we leave here we have to wait for the call from the supervisor who will tell us when it is convenient for her to introduce us to Emma .

Our next challenge today is to find another apartment. The one we are in does not have internet or a bed! It is expensive for what it is. He have Vitali staying in another apartment so we have some privacy, but his place is awful. It looks like an abandoned apartment in the Viet Nam era. … Cockroaches, cigarette buts, and filth everywhere. We have to get him out of there.




Okay, so we meet with Emma at 4 pm at the orphanage. The orphanage is nice. It looks like a decent boarding school. The Director takes us to an empty classroom. We are a little nervous about how this is going to go. We brought a big box of cookies for Emma to share with her classmates. But there is nothing casual about this meeting and what do you say to an 11 year old about yourself or our family that might be appealing to her. There is no chance to get to know her. It’s quite awkward for us as well as her.

Emma walks in the school room with a look of utter disdain on her face. She is tall and beautiful, but very unhappy about what is going on. The assistant director is there as well as the inspector, Vitali, and Paula and I. We are all seated around her…(can’t imagine that she feels very relaxed about this) and she will not even look at us. Everyone that speaks Ukraine is talking to her and she will have nothing to do with whatever they are saying. She keeps looking at her hands and playing with her fingers which are covered with black ink. I try to make a few jokes, which only get a rise from Vitali and Paula.

Apparently, Emma is not interested in being adopted. She has a grandmother and younger sister nearby and she thinks that her parents will get it together to come and get her out of the orphanage. In the meanwhile, she is happy where she is. We are disappointed, but as the Assistant Director said “Life goes on.”






And, so back to the apartment to pack up, get a flight for the following day back to Kiev, and try to set up another appointment with the SDA (State Department of Adoption). Oh, well, it could have been worse….what if we spent 10 days with her and then she finally said something. Better that we know right up front.

But, wouldn’t it be nice if the orphanages all had skype and we could have done that interview without the expense and time involved with travel?

This is a picture you will NEVER see again - Paula in McDonalds!!!

Redman Adoption Kiev Day 3 - "The SDA"

We came into a small nice office typical of any, and were asked to take a seat on a couch. We were introduced to our SDA interviewer and shook hands ( oop’s we heard that women in Ukraine do not like to do that). Paula and I had spent considerable time working on answers to specific questions (“Why do you want to adopt in Ukraine, etc”), but when it “Would you Tell me a little bit about your family.” Funny thing was we never thought of that question! Paula made a simple response - there are 4 of us with son Tyler, and Daughter Grace…”

Next the psychologist put one photo on the table - Konstantin looked, and talked with the interviewer, turned to us and said “This is a girl of 10 years, healthy, etc” . She looked very unhappy. We then were presented with 3 other photos. It is a little intense and intimidating because the interviewer turned to us after the 3rd photo and said “ This is the perfect child for you”. What do you say to that?

We asked for one more girl that was closer to Graces age …She pulls out another photo “ She has slight mental problems.” I took this as a clear sign that we were done - PICK a girl now!. We took her word on the perfect girl for us and left the next day to see her! Her name is Emma and she is located in Donetsk. She is 11 yrs old, tall, slender, smart, kind, and musical according to her profile. Stay tuned for more and please feel welcome to ask questions.

This is a very exciting time …Michael

Redman Adoption - Kiev Day 2

Well today we took it easy and just walked, talked and  shopped. The weather has been really beautiful. Hopefully, it will hold for another couple of days.

Went to McDonalds instead of Starbucks (my hang at home...there is no Starbucks here) at about 7am, and they have terrific coffee and it's cheap! Made cup by cup  - sounds just like the way they make their food - huh?

 

Paula and I probably walked 10 miles today and took in the sights including the Opera house and The Gold Domed Monastery  in the picture just below, which was built in 1108. We actually witnessed an Orthodox service by the resident monks, and a wedding while we were there. As you can see the architecture is awesome and inspiring. The inside of it was even more so...the painting below was one of hundreds like it inside.  (Paula and I were thinking of adding some domes to the new patio deck we just finished building....what do you think? :-)

I guess the big news is that tomorrow we have an appointment with the SDA to meet the psychologists and look at a few photos of children. I heard the step by step process from our facilitator, Konstantin, and he says they will show us 3 to 5 pictures of young girls and Paula and I can talk about them, ask questions and then  - choose one. Thats it. Amazing such a life changing event and it all occurs in a couple of minutes.

Redman Adoption - Kiev Day 1

Ok - Folks today we meet with our facilitator (Konstantin for future reference) He is meeting us at our apartment. Nice place! Kind of reminds me of a low end Jetsons pad with a TV that we can't understand.

Our trip was long but fine... did not sleep last night...and according to my computer it is 2.30am in Chagrin Falls. I took a long walk this morning in the city center met a couple of kids who spoke english and they said that "Americans are good people but US and Ukrainian politicians are making it difficult to remember that we are brothers and sisters....God created all of us." He has a point doesn't he?

Today after we meet with Konstantin we are going to try to find a tour service and explore the city.. and find something to eat. This has been a challenge as most Ukranians eat meat,cookies and lots of coffee!  

Also, it is supposed to be very hot the next couple of days (90).  Unfortunately I packed fall clothes, so this should be interesting. Tonight of tomorrow we should have a better picture of the events that will be coming our way and the process we will undertake so stay tuned...Here are a few more picks for last night in Kiev. Including the entrance to our apartment.

Friday in Munick

Okay, we're on our way.  We are at a coffee shop on a 7 hour layover in Munich.  It's the first time in all of our travels that shopping abroad is not that much fun... the exchange is so poor for US dollars that even the coffee seems like a rip off....$9 for 2 cups.  We should arrive today at 4 pm in Kiev and hopefully a driver will take us to our apartment.  

So far the travel has been easy.  Lufthansa was great even though we were packed in like sardines.

Watched a couple of movies, took a nap, and we were in Munich.

Grace, we miss you already. Hope your first day with Nana June is going great and that you are

reading away.  More to come once we arrive in Kiev... Paula

1 more day and we hit the road - to Ukraine

Well it was good to hear from so many of you and receive your blessings! Paula and I are packing for a very interesting trip. When was the last time you took a trip to a country for 5 weeks and you needed to take toilet paper! Needless to say we are having a hard time fitting 5 weeks into 1 bag.

Our plan is to update this blog at least every 2 days ( depending on the internet connection we can find).

As a general overview of our travel we will be going first to Kiev, Ukraine for 4 days where we meet with the SDA and choose a little girl from a picture book. Next we will travel to the orphanage where she is located and spend 10 days getting to know her through a translator.

Then there will be a break. This is a big unknown at this point. Could be 5 days or 20. In the latter case we will probably try to get back home for a short stint.

After this break we should ( if everything goes as planned) start the passport, medical part of things. This should be about 5 days.... then home we come.

We will miss Grace terribly, but she needs to stay in school. Aunt June and Helene will be holding down the fort while we are gone.

Here we go..... Thursday
Cheers,
MR